A Work in Progress

That was me in the fifth grade.

My first brush with fame was when that photo landed on the cover of my local newspaper, after I had just won a statewide creative writing contest. When I say first brush with fame, you can laugh, but a victory like that is a pretty big deal living in the small town of Easton, PA. I have this picture in a frame and I cherish it. It reminds me of my true self, who is more of a loner and would rather be writing in an undisclosed location than talking to anyone in person.

I’d like to say that’s how I channel my inner Larry David, but since I don’t have close to his amount of money I am forced to mingle in the world just like you. Consider how much people irritate you in your day-to-day life, and then try to imagine the constant badgering I endure from those who assume that because of my porn past, I should have sex with them.

Just the other day I had an encounter with someone I guess you could call a fan. He came up to me and said, “Lisa, let me have a picture.” I said “no” as I tried to safely get into an elevator. He then said to me “Oh, so you suck dick for a living, but you are too good to take a picture with me!” He then closed with, “You are a waste to humanity and should be dead!”

Yup, that was just a standard conversation on a Sunday evening. Welcome to my world!

I’ve been forced to accept the confusion in a world where some people think reality TV is real and TMZ is the actual news. So yeah, it is possible that these same people assume what I did on camera I definitely should be doing with them. But, that is not the case, at all. Not even in the slightest.

I understand there isn’t much out there that clearly explains the process of making pornos—so you know, I picked all of the people I had sex with in my scenes, and I also wanted to have sex with them. It was fun, I learned a lot about myself sexually in an environment where I felt safe, and let me tell you, it was the most liberating experience of my life. When I was doing a scene there was no world, nothing mattered, and I was completely in the moment.

Once I started to grow out of the rebellious phase that got me into the business, I started to realize that I needed to look at that escape, that high, as something I was doing, but not what I would always be doing. I didn’t stop making movies without carefully plotting and planning. Once the master plan was working, I knew then it was time to take my life into a new direction. That I did.

I started making moves in September 2013 with my own show Lisa Ann Does Fantasy on SiriusXM Fantasy Sports Radio, talking Fantasy Sports. In my first season as a host and fantasy football team owner, I took home the trophy in the SiriusXM Celebrity Host League. I was so hype, and realized there was no doubt I was ready to retire from the adult industry. I committed to finishing out my final year making movies, working two careers while sticking to my retirement plan that was successfully executed in December 2014.

My new life has been filled with many things, but if you’re wondering, I am definitely having less sexual adventures. I mean, come on—how spoiled was I, picking who, when, and where I would be having sex with—my favorite porn stars—while collecting a nice check? Life can’t be that fun and easy forever! My day-to-day now consists of working towards building my new career, while avoiding daily conversations with strangers about how shocked they are that I won’t have sex with them, take pictures, Snapchat, or leave a message for their friend.

Ironically, as I accept my fate, I look back to that photo, feeling that life is playing out so beautifully, bringing me right back to my favorite loner activity, writing. With STASHED, I’ll be covering a variety of topics, sharing some of my experiences, and bringing you into my new life—a life with less sex and more clothes. By the way, if you are still struggling with my retirement, I have this to say: “I am always just a Google click away!”

March 14, 2016