What Triggers YOU? 

I have recently discovered one of my clear Triggers. The emotions I feel, I have felt before, but when the world was closed there was a bit of a reprieve. I enjoyed it, so much, that I forgot how hard it triggers me. As a matter of fact, I think it affects me more now than it did then, so I wanted to discuss this. 

Here goes. This trigger (I do have few) is a statement that is entangled with entitlement and layered with creepy neediness and guilt. 

“I’m just a fan” Yes, that’s it, but let me explain the context with “I’m just a fan” 

This statement is always used when someone wants something from me. Whether it be on social media used to try to meet in person, it may be in person for a photo. When I hear the words, “I’m just a fan,” I can easily come mentally unraveled. 

My take is simple, because you chose to be a fan of someone, does not mean they have to be a fan of yours in return (I mean that in a friendly way, like a friend) It doesn’t mean a fan is entitled to a one-on-one experience with the person they are a fan of in any way shape or fashion. 

Last week I hit a peak, as I noticed hundreds of people inviting themselves to meet me at the places I post on my social media. They want to hang out, take a walk or go on a date. They want it all. I am also flooded with invites “hey fly here so I can take you out” etc . Like I am some object to be spoken to with a level of entitlement that is incredibly cringeworthy and offensive. It is not a compliment; it is an insult that the fan can’t be satisfied with what they have already had. It makes me afraid, uncomfortable and incredibly paranoid. 

My friends know when we go out,  they are not allowed to post till the following day. The levels of effort I have to go through to ensure we are safe and can have a good time out are all based on me avoiding an “I’m just a fan” confrontation. My friends also see my timeline and ask me how I can feel safe leaving my house at all, so there is that. We joke about it, but what is not a joke is my BFF who i love dearly who I share my location with at all times!

Let’s also add the math. If you add my social media count on all platforms and see the amount of followers I have, why would anyone think I have time to meet with my followers because they are “just a fan?”

Do I really need to be consumed with hours a day explaining to people that is not how it works? Do I really have to be overwhelmed by the word NO and explaining myself to fans? 

Do I really need to mention I am not about to make time for some feverish masturbator who has an unhealthy obsession with me? LOL #keepinitreal

rant complete – lol Know that I am laughing as I share this with you, picture my tone, with a sillyness that sees the reality of a situation I am trying to process!

I have an understanding that when adult content became available on the internet the world would change, but I did not predict this much change. The endless hours spent watching the content, potentially too young to do so, has melted the minds of fans while creating an unhealthy personal connection to me. 

In reality, just because someone may have watched way too many hours of my content, does not entitle them to me in human form. My work is done, my content is available out there for anyone to enjoy, but I am NOT available. I am off the table. I will NOT meet them in person, I do not want to be interrupted while I am eating with friends to be asked for a photo and hear the words “I’m just a fan” 

So …. In closing, I had to get this off my chance. Last week was intense, I feel an external pressure most people will never be able to relate to and for that I am happy. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. It is exhausting, overwhelming and makes me concerned for my overall safety. Who wants that? 

So, if you are reading this right now you know. The problem is, no one who acts like that will read this long of a blog, they can barely read the brief words under my posts. Let’s be real! HA

This was me, venting to you and admitting to the world, I have a clear trigger. They come and go. I am at the point of so much other negative commentary not even being a thing, but currently this is so … Let’s Lean into IT together!

Now that I am learning how to manage this mixed bag of emotions, I decided it is totally time to make lemonade out of lemons and have some fun with all of this. That brings me to “Dudes Do Better” … A new podcast and outlet for entertainment where I can take my triggers and have some fun with them! Follow on all social media platforms @DudesDoBetter